Mushrooms in the Garden

Craig notices a bunch of mushrooms growing on the haybale garden.  They were not planted there and we have no idea what they are.  "Its okay we will chop them up and feed them to the children and just see what happens"...."Maybe they are Magic Mushrooms...Have you ever had one?  I always wanted to try one."

I Love you Mandi Lynn

Craig sitting on the couch grabs me as I walk past and wraps his arms around me.
"I Love You Mandi Lynn!  I want to squeeze you like a hamster until your eyes bug out"
I kiss him on the forehead

On Fartichokes after Juicing

We have been juicing for our health for the past two weeks.   Tonight I fed Craig my favourite food for dinner, jeruselum artichokes.   The kids call them fartichokes.

Craig to Mandi: "Honey I don't know if it was a good idea giving me artichokes tonight.  It feels like little gnomes with pick axes have taken up residence in my anus"

To Kitty

Kitty was about to walk into the closet.

Craig, "GET the FUCK out of there.  You are not allowed in there.  You will piss on things.  And if you do I will cut your balls off.  Well I will cut off the flap of skin that used to be your balls."

On Burning Bunny Turds

Craig sitting in front of the fire getting frustrated because Monty's bunny turd is not catching fire.
Mandi - Craig honey what are you waiting for?
Craig - I waiting for the multi coloured sparks to shoot out....like you would get from a Unicorn turd.

Parsnip

Craig: Honey guess what?
Mandi: What honey?
Craig: I just pooped a parsnip!  Yep it came out all tapered  and everything - he said looking like a proud 4 year old.

Fight club

Mandi: Wanna go get me Fight CLub at the video store?
Craig: No its cold, and raining  and I don't have any shoes and socks on and I look like a Guinea pig in heat that has been butt fucked by a monkey.

While scratching his back with a fork

Mandi: Is that a fork you are using?
Craig:  Yes they are the best things ever to scratch your back...until you start bleeding then they are not.