Fight club

Mandi: Wanna go get me Fight CLub at the video store?
Craig: No its cold, and raining  and I don't have any shoes and socks on and I look like a Guinea pig in heat that has been butt fucked by a monkey.

While scratching his back with a fork

Mandi: Is that a fork you are using?
Craig:  Yes they are the best things ever to scratch your back...until you start bleeding then they are not.